AZDana

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

I’ve got an ear infection, so rather than trying to come up with something witty, I thought I’d rely on a bit of gallinaceous humor:

A duck walks into a drug store, goes up to the clerk and says, “I have a chapped beak, can you help me?”

The clerk says, “Why of course, here’s some Hot Cocoa Flavor Moose Smooch Lip Balm. How would you like to take care of this?”

The duck replies, “Can you just put it on my bill?”

Credits: Picture obtained from wikipedia, submitted by user McKDandy, who happens to be a Cantabrigian who has a Master of Science degree in Materials Science. Joke obtained from an old humor book I read eons ago, before the internet was invented, when it was much easier to tell jokes without having to worry about proper attribution.

I don’t know what’s going to happen every Wednesday, but I sure feel wacky today! As a matter of fact, I feel so wacky that I’m going to try my hand at predicting the future. I don’t believe in astrology, but this post might just describe someone perfectly.

Today’s horoscope:
If today’s your birthday, you were born under the sign of Silken Tofu. Your lucky animal is the dwarf gecko and you have an inordinate fondness for all Burt’s Bees products . You are friendly and outgoing but have an aura of mystique about you, which may be caused by your secret habit of eating Cajun food while bathing. If you’re going to be online today, make sure to look both ways before crossing the information superhighway. You may feel lonely at times, but rest assured, you will soon meet someone that shares your love of Bagpipe music.

My poor little two year old Kyocera has been through some rough times, so I ordered an Audiovox to replace it. I thought I’d like the new phone, but I am less than pleased with my purchase. Look at my list of reasons, wouldn’t you feel the same way I do?

1. Son set it up for instant messaging so I can get text messages anywhere on the planet (yeah, like I need to do more typing)
2. I had finally learned how to take great pictures with the old phone
3. Cats turn wacky when they watch it vibrate (actually, its pretty funny to watch a cat attack it on the desk)
4. It doesn’t have a flashlight (not that I can find, anyway)
5. I can’t figure out how to set it to make those cool Star Trek communicator noises when I open it
6. No way to transfer my awesome Race 21 scores to the new phone
7. All the ringtones seem to sound like a variation of the theme song for the Smurfs cartoon show.

And the biggest reason:
Old phone looked cute and sassy
New phone looks like a teeny tiny George Foreman grill.

I can’t decide whether I like my new theme, or if I should hide under the bed until the memories of it subside. I think I’ll leave it up for a day or so before I make a decision. What do you think, does this new look fit my shy and quiet demeanor?

I’ve decided to do some updating and change a few things, but before I do that, I am going to do some organizing, dealing with some old paid posts, changing categories, etc. So if you don’t see me for a day or two, I’m feeling fine, I’m just getting everything ready for the big move.

I have some strange dreams, but last night, I dreamed I was writing a blog post. To the best of my recollection, this is exactly what I dreamed I wrote:

“I usually sleep on my left side, and Karen the kitten has decided that sleeping on my left hip/backside is very comfortable. She has no worries, because there’s plenty of room. Come to think of it, there’s room for her, another cat, and BBD, my Rhodesian Ridgeback dog. Okay, I have to confess that due to lack of exercise during the holidays, there’s probably room on my hip for all of them as well as a small philharmonic orchestra.”

You know, I am probably much funnier in my dreams than when I’m awake. I’m also thinner, younger and fluent in Spanish in my dreams, although I can barely speak it when I’m awake. (Then again, maybe I’m only dreaming that I’m fluent and the Spanish I speak in my dreams actually translates to “My cheese belongs to the spider”, or something like that.) Do you transform yourself in your sleep, or are you the same whether awake or asleep?

Darn it all, I was all set to have an action packed day filled with all sorts of tasks to complete. But now, it’s dreary and soggy, so all I want to do is to lie down and snuggle a cat. Or two. Or three. Maybe Karen the kitten and I will take a quick snooze, then I can get up and do what I want. I have a great post planned, full of drama, excitement and car chases, but it seems its either time for a nap, or a cup of cocoa with marshmellows. I ask you, is it even possible to write a post filled with drama and excitement while enjoying the snuggly warmth of  Swiss Miss hot chocolate?

P.S.- I exaggerated about the car chases. There won’t be any mentioned in my blog in the foreseeable future. I have to admit that I never ever drive over the speed limit. Am I the only one that sticks to the speed limit? Do you speed occasionally, or only in an emergency, or every time you drive?